Worried about someone else?
It’s hard to watch someone you care about struggle with money. You can’t solve it for them, but you can make it easier for them to take the next step.
Starting the conversation
Money’s hard to talk about, and people can feel ashamed. A few things tend to help.
Choose a quiet moment
Somewhere private, with time to spare. Not in a rush, and not in front of others.
Start with how they are
Say what you’ve noticed, and that you care. Try “I’ve noticed you seem worried” rather than “you need to sort this out”.
Listen more than you speak
Let them say it their way. You don’t need to have answers.
Leave out blame
Debt can happen to anyone. Judgement makes it harder for them to open up again.
What you can do
Help them gather what they need
Letters, bills and a rough idea of what comes in and goes out. Having it in one place makes any conversation easier.
Look at the information with them
Our debt information pages explain different kinds of debt in plain English, and the budget planner shows where their money goes.
Offer to sit with them
Some people find it easier to make a call or answer questions with someone beside them.
Let them lead
The choices are theirs. Pushing can make people withdraw.
What you don’t have to take on
In most cases you’re not responsible for someone else’s debts. There are exceptions, such as a debt you share, or one you’ve agreed to be responsible for as a guarantor.
If you’re not sure where you stand, MoneyHelper, StepChange and National Debtline can explain.
Looking after someone can wear you down too. It’s fine to ask for support yourself.
Where they can get help
They can ask for help through us, or contact MoneyHelper, StepChange or National Debtline. A partner debt firm can usually only discuss someone’s debts with that person, unless they give permission.
Free, impartial advice is available elsewhere
You don’t have to use us. MoneyHelper, StepChange and National Debtline give free, impartial debt advice.
MoneyHelper
Free money and debt advice, backed by the government.
StepChange
A charity that gives free debt advice.
National Debtline
Free debt advice by phone and online.
When they’re ready, we’re here.
They can answer a few questions at their own pace, online or by phone. Nothing goes ahead unless they agree.
